Time as white sound
Thursday, August 30, 2007

Fragile puppet you must be careful
To thread the shaky beams with care

6:06 PM

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

On a lighter note, here's some pictures taken during the Catholic retreat



I didn't have any hair wax on which was why the pics are unglam and I look as if I've just gotten out of bed.
Oh whatever.




I wrote this about 2 weeks back.

The top part says 'It wouldn't hurt if you disected me...'


7:30 PM


It's funny how you try so hard for something, it doesn't happen. Maybe we should just sit back, relax and go with the flow. Everything in moderation, basically.

Set your sights on something and pursue it with a possessed glint in the eye, and you'll be blinded by your own obsession.

On the other hand, lay back and let the currents of water guide you, and you'll be washed right over the edge of waterfalls, plummeting to your demise.

The moderation is difficult to establish at times.

If only there was a guidebook for such stuff...then again, you learn through your downfalls



I feel like such a fool over that thing

Stupid, stupid Matt...

Naive child.

6:45 PM

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

It's absurd how I brave through hellfire and brimstone just so I could please others around me.

Well, reality check Matt- it aint gonna happen.
The simple fact is, you can't please everyone no matter how hard you try.
I do realise this and try as often as I can to refrain from such behaviour, but sometimes the temptation to do so steps in and you can't help but to comply.

For their pleasure, I'm not a servant.
I am a friend, student and so much more.
They say as an actor, you gotta learn how to portray numerous personas.
But is my life a performance?
Well, maybe.

Tis' not the most jolly of views but I do feel like a zombified ragdoll at times
being dragged and ripped apart by people
sewing up my arms and legs silently at a corner

Yes. There is a happy soul behind the glassy eyes
And it frustrates me when people think I'm "just another emo kid" not o be taken seriously

"Oh, just leave him alone to his frivilous ways of poetry writting and philosophy crap"

Don't get me wrong- I'm not depressed or moody about this thing.. I'm just.... in thought

9:55 PM


To the readers of the Local Laundromat:

Sorry for the lack of prose entries these past few days.

My poetic bone is tingling.

But fear not!! I should be back to normal in a few days time. Hopefully.

8:13 PM


I plan to buy a goldfish.

And I shall call it Sanity.

10:12 AM


Never place all your hopes
Into cans of watering
The orange daisy would never sprout amidst
Seas of blue

Plucking petals to descicrate
Don't work either
So just burn the damn fower-
To hell with it
Along with the invisible string
Which will perish

Then I'll be free; unbounded
But soon I'll miss the routine of watering..

9:59 AM


The mood swings this year have never been so extreme
I'm starting to be afraid of myself
And hate myself for that matter

But I shan't step off this
yellow brick road

It's the land of Oz I wanna get to

And ask the green wizard
so many, many things


Dear Mr. Green Wizard from the land of Oz,

Hear my humble plea
and listen to me

I'd like a brain,

A heart,

Some courage

and a mask

To brave through the forbidden woods
to slay the wicked witch of the West

And in kind, I pledge thee my loyalty

Eternally. Sincerely.

Matt

9:05 AM

Sunday, August 26, 2007

I ventured into the other world-

Where birds don't sing, and the Glories don't bloom.
Time bended into the twilight hours.
2...3...4
Numbers not in darkness.
Not in our real world, anyway.

Our world is extremely small
as I've disovered from the wonderland I was in
Through my magic crystal ball
I don't just see my reflection.
A face..
Ghost of the past?
Spirit of the future?
I.. don't know

And when I woke up this afternoon
The walls were crying
Extensive plumbing works to be done.

But it really struck me-

Home is where the heart is
Walls crying...

A message screaming in my face?
Perhaps

Could this be a prelude to another poem?
Or is this a poem in itself?
A poem based on the day's happenings? Strange.

Not when I've got a PW Written report draft to complete by 6 pm.

1:11 PM

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Why don't I hear the horse galloping?
Stone walls do not approve my acquaintance
I await.

Some more.

9:47 PM


Well, as you guys might have already guessed- This is yet another post typed in the sanctity of the school library.

Away from all that shitty tutorials which I'm dying from.

Yes. And the 966 bus which was supposed to arrive around 7.17 came at 7.23. And because of that, I was late. For the 3rd time.

Yep.. you know what that means. Fun in detention. Oh wow.

Fuckedy-fuckedy-fuck-fuck-fuck...

Add that to the oncoming retreat + the fact that my classmates are getting sick, and I can't help but think that I'm getting sick too (hello?? Sleeping at 9-ish for 2 days in a row but coming home ABSOLUTELY tired??! And what about the cold and the headaches?)

....
....
....

I need a holiday.


I just hate the JC system. It makes me feel like I'm inefficient, irresponsible, worthless trash.

Hate it.

11:33 AM

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Right... So here I am. In the school library. Hah... ...

I'll be choosing not to ruin my week by attending the remedial geography lecture at 5, when I'm actually dismissed at 1. It's crazy. Really.

Not only do I end late almost everyday this week, the freaking Catholic retreat is looming... And it'll occupy the entire friday evening and saturday (Yes. The whole of it)--- My only opportunity to replenish my lost sanity throughout the week, and you're bloody hell tellin' me that I've got to forgo it??

Well, if you say so your Majesty.
Then I guess I'll just have be a moody bitch for the whole of week 10. Oh excellent!
I've always wanted to feel how it's like to lose it. Wow-wee!!

So anyway, I was just wondering what an emotional freak I can be at times.

Like how I'd get upset that my favourite houseguest, Jen, will most probably be evicted from the Big Brother House. (Season 8 of the US version)
She was completely backstabbed.
People talk smack behind her back when all she did was to be nice to everyone.

Uhh...okay. Going off course.

Elaina says Big Brother is retarded. Well, yeah... Certain versions. But the US version rocks, so I don't really care what she says.

And I've been such a junkie of that version of Big Brother since I was freaking sec 1 (during it's 4/5th season i think)

So. Yup. It's a part of me.

Ughh. I just made myself sound like a geek. Nevermind.


The point IS, I've just been feeling myself being swayed too easily by emotions at times.
And half the time I'd try my best to seem so level-headed, calm and rationally in control.

But it does work.

Sometimes.
Well... I don't know, okay?

Blame it on the hormonial changes- I'm a late bloomer.
That aint too shabby though.. The late bloomer is always said to turn out to be the most stunning and appealing.

Ah, yes. That sounds like me.
In a couple more years perhaps?
Just be patient.

10:26 AM

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Transitions.



When I blew the candles off the cake on my 16th birthday, it was almost like extinguishing a part of me that existed before.



Funny now that I think of it- I never would have forseen the winds of change that will guide me in this voyage of life.

7:01 PM

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Your Superpower Should Be Manipulating Fire

You are intense, internally driven, and passionate.
Your emotions are unpredictable - and they often get the better of you.
Both radiant and terrifying, people are drawn to you.
At your most powerful, you feel like the world belongs to you.

Why you would be a good superhero: You are obsessive enough to give it your all

Your biggest problem as a superhero: Your moodiness would make it difficult to control your powers


You Are 44% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side.
Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.


You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits.
Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle.
Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it.
You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

7:23 PM

Friday, August 17, 2007

Here's the group picture of the drama gang (well, about half of it anyway) after watching The King and I:


10:44 PM


Emo phase over.

Matt's now slacking

10:34 PM

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Matt took yet another day off school. His collection of medical certificates would indeed put the American Paper company to shame.

But he wont be chased with pitchforks or torches, coz the proof's in the paper.

They won't burn him at stake. They can't.

---

I did all my due assignments. Finally.
Read more than half of 'The Handmaid's Tale'
And will be studying Economic Geography Lecture 4

---

In his flustered state, Matt opened the Bible randomly last night and was directed to a passage on celebration and gratitude to the posessions that we already have.

The Bible says to take joy in what we are blessed with by the Lord, and lasting happiness is gained with goodwill and generosity.

He also remembers a Bible verse printed on a slip of paper that he was asked to pick out from a box of other slips during his Con 3 camp.

It read: "The LORD is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul."

Bible verses which seem to hint something.
Like God speaking to you in subtle ways.

But what could it mean?
All these verses. Of Happiness. Of Gratitude. Of Guidiance and direction.

---

Oh. I'm sorry. Please don't mind me wandering off thinking about such stuff.

When you're in an emo phase, you tend to think too much.

But you are granted elusive insight to issues you never really thought about.

Strangely.

Hmm.

5:55 PM


We're caught in our hellish walls
Antiseptic paper cranes take flight
Shrivelling in the heat of crimson sky
There's no way out-
only the door of our consciousness holds the key

Escaping to the greener pastures
that have existed since the days of Eden
Where the bluebirds glide across currents of air-
they roam free. Guiltless.
Like the Lillies who never labour or spin

But look at the grounded Williow
which weeps, bearing scars of the past
Resting in her shade
I drown in the darkness of empathy
But a feeling coaxes one
to step into the light

Gazing across the sky,
I see my paper crane flying.

5:38 PM

Monday, August 13, 2007

Lost in a trance, the words found their way---


"But here in Wonderland, we're all mad people", said the Cheshire Cat, as he grinned widely with that deranged glare.

Then perhaps I belong here- to entrap myself in this realm of consciousness.
Of anger.
Of fantasy.
Of guilt.
Of pain.

Laughing hysterically while sipping tea with the Mad Hatter and Hare.

We'd make jolly good friends, indeed.

To drink Jekyll's rancid concoction
not because it said 'Drink Me'
but because I wanted it
Inflicting pain.

And then I look to the light
Here I am- a bloody sinner
Flawed in countless ways
I fail to see the beauty

I am unworthy

The light will never reach the darkest depths of my soul
The layers which exist in abundance
will only be broken
by the bearer of the elusive armour

And I wait till the day the seas turn to sand
for that fire-breathing demon to be vanquished

It controls; spites me in my sleep;
haunts my living days
and sings its tainted chorus of
Satan's call

Resisting, my soul lingers

The Sun will burn its last
and I'll be
awaiting Excalibur-
the gleam of metal
the light it promises
to restore my broken self

Or else rusty vorpal in hand,
I'll ram it down my
beating heart
And count the drops of
blackened blood

Standing in adamance
I'll withstand the last drop

I close my eyes
I hear the horse galloping
I feel the warmth of perishing Sun
The winds caressing against my face

I smile

And collapse

Dead.




I have no fk'-in idea that was all about, trust me

5:59 PM

Sunday, August 12, 2007

I'm sorry world for being such a goddamn dysfunctional person.

I'm sorry for being so rotten, and I feel that I'm unworthy to be cleansed.

I'm sorry for being the way I am coz I had a fucked up childhood.

I had many issues to deal with- some dealt; others hanging in agony.

I don't blame my past, and constantly try to change.

But I fall flat on my face sometimes.

And that's when I feel that I'm nothing but God-forbidden shit.

9:47 PM

Saturday, August 11, 2007

The King and I was pretty good, in case any of you were wondering.

The Drama gang and I (get the pun? Ha. Ha. Ha.) got the 2nd best category of seats at an awesome deal- due to some school subsidy or something. Who cares anyway? Point is, I get to have good seats at a relatively affordable price. But thanks for the discount, whoever you are.

The set was stunning, that's for sure- the layers of backdrops! Ahh..it was all so visually orgasmic.

Gabby wanted to kidnap one of the children.

I thought she lost it.

And she kept wandering off, commenting on certain things of the actors (Bev should know what I'm talking about) Lol.

Sheesh, and that reminds me: when we were passing round the brochure for the musical a couple of weeks back, Binni was strangely drawn to the King's nipples coz they were apparently big and protruding. He was giggling quite a bit after that. But everyone agreed with him- the King's nipples did look big in the brochure.

Anyway, back to last night's event----
Everyone dressed well. Chao and Cren said I looked like a papparazzi photographer. Collectively, the entire group of us looked like a were attending the funeral of some fashion designer.


Stylishly mournful, I'd say.

But whatever am I talking about.


Small talk between Gabby and I about taking beginning dance classes together. Sounded like a good idea, coz in theatrical arts, dance is a useful skill as well---
So we were just running through the different genres of dance that we might wanna take up:

-Hip Hop was too "beng" and poser

-Jazz was too gay and wimpy

-Latin sounded sexy and cool.

Yeah.. so Gabby's finding out on where such classes are being offered.

1:11 PM

Thursday, August 09, 2007

I got tagged by Matheus in his blog to do 'The random fact quiz'

So here goes--

The 10 weird or random things about me are...


1) I'm proud that my great grandmother's a Spanish. Along with Malay ancestory from my peranakan grandparents. I don't consider myself a sino-hispanic coz my spanish composition is a bit too insignificant, but I don't count myself as a pure Chinese either.

I wish I had a higher percentage of Spanish blood so that I can be blessed with european good looks.

2) My hair's naturally dark brown. I dunno.. sometimes it appears reddish brown under certain types of lighting. Yes, lighting does indeed do wonders- look at Oprah.

Without lighting, she'd look like a sagging prune.
Oh, and I was born with dirty blonde hair. I'm freaking serious about this. It just grew darker during my first few months of existence on this Earth.

3) Just got glasses for lectures.
My left eye is 125 degrees, and my right eye is 150 degrees.

4) I've just joined Buds Theatre Company last week.
I'm convinced that I would like to pursue acting in the future. Really really. Since the time I was 5 years old in suspenders, singing karaoke in front of my parent's party guests being a totally obnoxious attention seeker.

5) I'm considerably less pure than I was last year, and I wish I could go back to that. But you can't stay pure and innocent forever anyway..

6) I have a serious fetish for... Nah, not saying.
I like Chuppa Chupp's Cherry flavoured lollipops

7) Propaganda sickens me. Really. As well as commercial breaks when I'm watching my favourite tv shows.

8) I once ate a page out of my A Maths textbook in Sec 4 coz I was extremely frustrated with the subject. Try getting straight F9's for it every exam since sec 3! Matheus should know

9) Back in sec school, I used to whine. Alot.

10) Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde are my alter egos

5:51 PM


I had a dream/nightmare last night.

Well.. There second part was nightmarish.

But it was freaking weird.
----

Basically, I'm an agent working at this agency (Yeah yeah...I know you all think I'm nutsy coo coo) and I've just been handed an assignment-

To track this woman who's possessed by this demonic animal spirit of sorts, and arrest her for exorcism (or something like that)

So anyway, my agent partner drove me to this industrial-like train interchange station. Somewhat like Jurong East or Tanah Merah Interchange, cept this one's located on ground level and is a big assed gazillion times bigger, and WAY more complex- twisting routes here and there. There must have been at least 7 train lines I reckon.

Yeah, and I had to locate this specific train route and track the possessed woman. There was alot of secret agent spy styled manouvering involved: Climbing gas pipes; hiding behind walls and stuff.

And I got freaking lost in the freakinormous interchange station.
I couldn't find the right train!!

After ALOT of going here and there, I finally found it; located the woman.
But the staff were eyeing me suspiciously all this while.... and before I could enter the train, they caught me!! Shit.

And then this stupid hag from the staff told me that the iron on motif tag on my slingbag was a symbol of this conspiracy terrorist group or SOMETHING..how the hell would I know?? I don't even know how it got there!!!

Then I had to be detained!! And they checked my bag for any items that were dangerous or blah blah blah- You know, all that typical shit.

So I was released.
Thankfully however, the train had not left yet, and I called for backup, arrested her (the possessed animal spirit woman or whatever, and went back to HQ.

After that looong day of hard work, I was at the roadside with a few of my colleages having a bonfire of sorts (don't ask me why, I dunno). Then this woman came walking by like some zombie and she had this crazed haggard look- turned out that there was more than 1 of those demonic animal spirit. ---Oh no!!

The scariest part was when she turned her head slowly to look at me. Oh my god..she had yellow eyes and her pupils were vertical slits like a cat's. Freaking scary I tell you.

Then this male with tattered clothes came out of nowhere, crawlin on all fours (this time with normal eyes), but he gave me this look like he was gonna kill me and then he howled like a wolf. And I swear, he was drooling. This scared the bejesus outta me.

Both of em were inching closer towards me... And my colleagues were gone (for some random reason I guess).

Shit. This was when I woke up.

Yeah.. Weird-ass dream.
Sorry if the English was incoherent.
I've gotta quickly type it all down before I forget the dream.

8:50 AM

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

You Are 62% Pure
You're pretty pure, and you have no plans on changing that.You do have a devilish side though... and it will probably get the better of you.
The 100 Question Purity Test
Well, I know I've done some things that I shouldn't have done in the past, but I'm still relatively pure and innocent

7:35 PM

Sunday, August 05, 2007

And before I forget, thanks Colin for following me to Ikea!

I regretted buying the 4 piece square mirrors, coz the paint in my room is peeling off- not very good for industrial double sided tape.
Not only would u waste the tape provided, the entire mirror might just fall off at night when I'm sleeping.

And that would give me a rude awakening, indeed.

I mean, 7 years of bad luck, you know?! If that doesn't give you a rude awakening, God knows what will.


SO... Being the resourceful person that I am, I decided to save the industrial tape and use alot of Blutack !

Damn...I should've just bought the $15 oval desk stand mirror instead!
Oh well.. another time then.

Mark my words- one of these days, my room will be fashioned like those visually orgasmic Ikea showrooms.
Just you wait!-

And I'll have a full length bordered mirror too!! HA!!

4:35 PM


Wha- Hey!!

I'm an official member of a professional theatre company, so I'm really proud of myself :) It was a pro-active move on my end to pursue my passion and to enhance my portfolio, so I'm glad that I've proven to myself that I'm not useless shit.

--You're not useless shit, Matt!

Hurray.

Ethnically, the company's really well mixed: they've got equal percentages of ethnicities. Cool people, I say!

Too tired to post e rest of the details.. Will get back to it some other time.

But in the meantime, while I was eating at Long John Silver (eating the same damn meal for 2 freaking days in a row), I noticed a couple of mynahs drinking water from the ground:


Those sad birdies have to tilt their heads slightly sideways in order to get a big gulp of water-

Poor things! Awwww


4:30 PM

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Saturdays seem to be for lazing around.

Having dreams that make no sense, and forgetting them 20 seconds after you wake up.

Gotta get mdeicine refills from the clinic later before it closes at 2- Sheesh.. Do I really need to?
--Yes Matt, unless you don't wanna improve your complexion.

Yes conscience; I'll do as you say...

A trip to Tampines Ikea anyone??? Please???
I beg thee.

10:00 AM

Friday, August 03, 2007

The detention turned out to be 4 hours instead.
4 miserable hours.
I hardly brought any study material, so you could just imagine-
Me rotting from absolute boredom.
I wish I had 'The Handmaid's Tale' at that point of time to read up.

Was walking out of campus when I saw John Tung's poem entry for the creative writing competition.
The very sight of his name printed at the bottom of the page prompted me to submit my own poem to compete.

Don't ask me why- John and I always had a love-hate friendship since Sec 2. Friendly competition I suppose?

I don't have any inspiration to write at the moment, however...


Gabby never appreciates my poetry somehow.
She says they're stupid, but then again, how hard does she listen to my recitals?

Hardly, more like it.

But that doesn't really bother me. I mean, a true artist commits to his creative endeavors despite what people tell him.

Then again, marching to the beat of your own drum generates this fear that people don't take you seriously-- Do people take me seriously?? Oh dear.. I'm so scared...

8:44 PM


2 hour Detention for not signing in late at the admin office?!?!
What. The. Fuck?!

I'd rather have a demerit point, thank you very much.

It's extremely irrational. I mean, that asshole didn't even understand my reasoning. What a bastard.

1:46 PM

Thursday, August 02, 2007

I'm just about half-way through the chinese essay.
Taking a short break
before I get too fed up with it and end up sleeping instead.

And I had no idea LaSalle offered a BA(Hons) in Musical Theatre!
It's basically the disciplines of acting, with elements of singing and dancing (involved in musicals and such) involved.

Hmmm...well, am I cut out for such a programme?
I might as well just aim for the BA(Hons) in Theatre Arts- Acting, but Musical theatre??
I could sing and act relatively well. But dance?????

Big question mark.

Random thoughts to feed the mind.

10:13 PM


I ended school today at 2.30; reached home at 3.40 p.m.
And slept from 4.30 - 6 p.m.
Oh boy, I must say that the nap felt so frickin' good.
Nothing like a good ol' nap, eh?

But damn... Now I've gotta get my chinese essay done. Yes, that one- the one which was due for more than 2 weeks already. Lao shi's also gonna be enforcing detention to those who still won't hand in the assignment by tomorrow. Darn.

I hate Chinese. Really hate it.
Is it possible to denounce your ethnicity and draw a new one from a bag?
I'd take the chance, even if it means ending up being Yugoslavian.

And even though we end lessons at 1 tmr, I'm not looking forward to it. At all--
There's PE and the national day rehearsals that I've gotta attend at 3.
Pffft.

6:29 PM