Time as white sound
Sunday, September 30, 2007

I find it annoying that I've started using Facebook before the end of promos, coz I'm starting to get hooked on it. Sheesh

Not only that, I really wanna do well for my Lit, so BNW would seriously act as a bolster of support should I mess up any of my other lit paper components. Yeah, you get what I'm saying.

And some of my BNW lecture notes are missing coz I haven't attended some lectures.
Arghhh!!!

MUST. DO. WELL.
MUST. MUG. BNW.

11:15 AM

Thursday, September 27, 2007

The thing that perplexes me most, however, is how the grand finale will be like to begin with

Will we be greeted with an inner mirage of wildly dancing streamers, loud celebratory fanfares/deafening techno beats, exploding confetti, balloons etc etc etc etc??? (and several more times again)

Or would it be another "Oh, okay" moment? I really hate that phrase by the way. Absolutely detest it. Especially so in a conversation, when the fella gives you that uninterested look. It's darn bloody rude. Not that I've had several experiences dealing with such, but it's just a thought.


Ladies and Gentlemen, 6 and a half days to the Grand Finale.

11:02 PM


I've been having inspiration meltdowns recently. You know, that kind of feeling you get where you suddenly become so vacuous and air-headed. And all you think about is your social calender. Yes, I've had weird assed thoughts about throwing themed parties (Yeah... Like that will ever work or happen for that matter)

And I freakin' swear-- for a little while, I wanted to dye my hair blond...but nah. My natural hair colour is already fine as it is.

Promos are about three quarters done now. We're all gearing up for the grand finale on 4th October.

9:36 PM

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Cockroaches may annoy the hell outta you, but after taking proper action, they die and you would hardly assume their existence

-----------------

Oookay, it just dawned on me last night on how little time I've left to complete my studies for Geography and Economics. Yeah.. I'm doing my best to zoom past the Rock Cycle and Weathering with mind maps and everything by the end of this day.

Then tomorrow, I shall wake up and smell the roses before doing something about Econs and finishing up Population Geography (hopefully). Why on earth am I even sharing with you guys my study plan?? Haven't I got anything better to do?? Apparently not. For you see, studying can get rather boring, hence rendering you as a vegetable.

Hmm, let's see.. In that case, I'd like to be a delicious barbequed Corn cob. Ohh yes, with butter smeared all over...

*Clears throat rather uncomfortably*
So anyway,
I'm doing pretty fine now; all the angst experienced during the day before yesterday has pretty much been dissolved. I pray to God for inner peace, while praying with the Virgin Mary to intercede for me.

'Oh Mother Mary' I would sometimes ponder...
and then I'd think of the nursery rhyme:

Mary, Mary, quite contrary.
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells
And pretty maids in a row.

But then again, did they ever have gardens at their homes in Israel centuries ago?
Probably not. So the rhyme would most definitely not apply to the Virgin Mary while she was still on this Earth. She'd probably be involved with other housework besides gardening. Sweeping perhaps?? Or did they even have brooms at that time to begin with?
If not, then what would they use to sweep?


Right... this is going nowhere so I shall stop. For now.

The wrath and utter partial insanity of Matt will continue-- Muahahahahaha!!!!

5:40 PM


It's true that you need to acquire self realisation and face denial before resolution.

Yeah, and I'm super tired after only slightly more than 4 hours of sleep.
Talked on the phone with Matheus for like, 5 hours?! Holy hell...

During one of my many study breaks yesterday, I ended up sun tanning on my front porch. Uh-huh.. Tanning Oil; towel. same old same old. Lay there for an hour I think?? And the results are hardly noticeable; only so under certain types of lighting.

So I'll be doing it again! Whoopee!!

8:54 AM

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Yes, I do realise that I should be studying since today's a Saturday.

Well then let's see... I shall finish up on Earthquakes and start on Population Geography, keeping in mind that Human Geography is 65% of the total geography grade.

Oh wow.

9:49 AM

Friday, September 21, 2007

It's really interesting how some classic Disney movies carry loads of literary significance.

Take this part from Snow White for example, when the Evil Queen (disguised an an ugly peddler) prepares the poison apple in the dungeons for Snow White:


"Dip the apple in the brew
Let the sleeping death seep through

Look! From the skin-
the symbol of what lies within!

Now, trun red
to tempt Snow White
to make her hunger for a bite"



Just some food for thought regarding its connotations and stuff.

9:27 PM


Oh I do indeed recognise that I'm a terrible person with corrupt morals and intents, as scornfully suggested by a certain person and mother dearest.

Yes, I can now publicly discuss my poor relationship with my mom without feeling any sense of guilt, shame or embarrassment whatsoever. Very often, she would say all the things about me about having the bad qualities of so-and-so.

As if that doesn't hurt at all, she even tells me many many times that one day God will take away all my gifts because I apparently, never use them for good.

Oh wow. Thank you for making me feel like God's fk'in reject.
Suddenly the song "Jesus loves me this I know" loses all its meaning under the torment of her showers of scorn.

My reasoning for her peculiar ways of raising up her children?--
She had a screwed up childhood, basically put it. She and her only sister- sigh.. both never ever got along. And I strongly feel that both are put to equal blame--



Dear Auntie Jo in heaven (or wherever you are),
Now you realise how foolish you and my mom behaved- the constant disagreements. you backstabbing her. she being an overly paranoid person. Everything.
Please reflect now that you're dead.
i wish you the best of luck in your afterlife- the pursuit of eternal happiness, and life in Heaven.
Say hi to dad, grandma Gladys and grandpa Peter for me.

Love,
Matt



But just as much as I want to run away from family (especially after I graduate from university), I have to remember that as my mother, a part of her insanity is most definitely genetically modelled into me-- Egads!!

Point is, i really feel like a dysfunctional person.

After all the things said about me.

Im thinking dirty blond hair and goth makeup after promos. Kidding.


I seek redemption from all the alleged flaws that I'm supposedly guilty of.
Whatever it is, Oh God save my tarnished soul.
And NO, I'm not being emo, I swear.


I can only pick up the pieces and smile.
Trying hard to see myself as somebody complete and whole.

And prove certain people wrong (Not talking about my mom)

I'm not emotionally weak. I'll prove it.

Asshole.

7:52 PM

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Alright, no more awkward cryptic lines shrouded in ambiguity. The Local Laundromat is back in business with proper continuous prose.

Well, as you know, everyone's cramming for the promos- I've no idea how I'm supposed to finished all the topics on physical geography by Wednesday. And not only that, today's supposed to be study day for everyone is school. But noooo, guess what? Matt has to head down to the freaking mc rehearsals for the South Zone Colours Awards presentation ceremony! Bah!!

Thank you for taking away my study time.

And after GP paper tomorrow, I'll need to prepare for the actual thing at 3. Time time time... If only you linger around more.
Irreversible and rigid. I just have to live with it.

I remember attending my school's colours award ceremony during sec 3.
BORING!!

9:19 AM

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

This week has been crazy. Seriously crazy.

5:47 PM

Monday, September 17, 2007

A poem by Robest Frost-- "Nothing Gold Can Stay"


Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.


---------------------

Oh let the paper crane fly from your hands, for another of brilliant red will come your way

8:05 PM

Saturday, September 15, 2007

I woke up at about 11 I think?
Had crazy dreams for the past 2 nights. Hmm.. I wondering if they mean anything coz they seemed so absurd.

And this is an extremely random exclamation: Even though Britney had a sloppy performance, I seriously think that with all the excessive criticism about her, she is in fact getting all the attention (negative or not). So I really hope her single does well after a digital audio version on cd and itunes comes out.

Go Britney! Just go for more fitness and dance training, which I read you are. You've gone rusty over the years, and your confidence has also been visibly reduced.

I don't care. I'm buying her new album in November.
Muahahahaha.

Ok. Matt you're losin' it

11:20 AM

Friday, September 14, 2007

Matt regrets being a lazy arse for the past few days.

After dinner later this evening, he shall attepmt to cover Economic Geography: TNCs (Lectures 7 & 8), as well as Population Geography (Lectures 1 to 4)

This might seem like a daunting task, but Matt doesn't have much time left.

He shall now do the seemingly impossible---

To sit down and actually study *Audience Gasps*

6:18 PM


Freezing winds aren't so bad after all. Subzero temperatures are unbearable, but boy, when it mellows, you get a Winter Wonderland!!

Coats rock!
I'm happier than I was before!!

2:58 PM

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Ha ha ha?

I'm just speechless now.

I don't like the freezing winds that is brought by Winter.
The music stops; the box was snapped shut

On some things I will swear by.

I just... Need a coat.
Coz it's really freezing cold. F-ing serious...

8:17 PM


Is the happy streak gonna end? I hope not!

I haven't been so outrageously zany to my classmates ever since... Well, ever since never, basically. And should the cause of this sudden surge of mood boost go away, then I'm afraid that my days of Spring and Summer will be short lived.

So please don't leave me; days of Spring and Summer! I bask in your glory and I shall forevermore ditch my emo persona (No, that's too much of a deal to comply), but you get the drift.

I can't have the ominous clouds seal my clear sky.
Like a music box snapped shut.

I just can't have that happen! Not to me.. Not now!!


Anyway, I feel real bad for not attending so many Legion meetings, and missing on this morning's prayer session since I came to school by 7.20. It's almost as if I'm some sort of a 'Fallen Legionary'. Nooo... I haven't stepped into the dark side. Pfft- that's just ridiculous. Really.

Matt will always be a good guy.
No matter how much of an obsessive, jealous, vindictive, emo freak he can be at times.
He's still good!! I swear!

And yeah.. I'm running out of things to say except that I'm worried for my Othello paper in lit, since that's my weakest component. I fare significantly better for PC and BNW.

Egads!!! Panic for Promos!!!
In a calm facade--- is that even possible???

4:56 PM

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Your Aura is Red
You have a high level of emotion. This can mean passion, but it can also mean rage.Usually, you don't take these emotions out on others. You just use them as motivation - and it works!
The purpose of your life: embracing all the wonders of the life, lots of travels, and tons of adventures
Famous reds include: Madonna, Marilyn Monroe, Jennifer Lopez
Careers for you to try: Dancer, Boxer, Surgeon
What Color Is Your Aura?

9:39 PM


The inspiration for my most recent poem 'Seas of Red' came to me at the most unlikelist of times- during Economics lecture. I was most probably not paying attention I guess...

Little did I realise, while I was unconsciously jotting out phrases from my mind, they truly did make almost perfect sense. Perfect sensse to the feelings that I was harbouring, that is.

Hah. Silly me. Thinking about such matters.
I really shouldn't think that way.

Ah well. Thought about doing another draft for the poem, but nah.. I'll leave it as it is.

Who knows? Maybe they'll be a part 2 to it.

--------------------

Amadea, Yi Ting, Jamie, Cheryl, Justin, Dawn, Amanda and I had a nice group conversation about sex and dirty stuff basically. NC-16 content. Yeah.. It was definitely not meant for the little ones. Did we really talk about such stuff for an hour plus?!

About penises, vaginas and lubricants?? We sure are freaking horny people to be talking about topics like that.

But you know what? As dirty as the conversation was, it was a fairly good bonding session for the 8 of us. Buckets of laughter. Not as though we're aren't bonded well enough- we are.
Love u guys loads.

Aww.. You don't catch Matt being openly sentimental very often, so cherish the moment.

8:30 PM


Seas of Red


What if our Seas were Red...
In union eternally


That Virgin's blood
Be spilled on sabre
which wouldn't fetch
a shilling


That Merchants'
Merry making
Dance for joy
Amidst Earthly
Passions

And sad child
left at harbour
As the Royal Ship
sails away
On the Seas of
Red

6:12 PM

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Apart from my hunt of a new blogskin, I'm desperately trying to tie in (no, not literally) all of my lecture notes for my subjects yada yada yada.

You know, I just can't bring myself to study. Seriously...
Fine, maybe I'll just read through my tutorial annotations in Brave New World later tonight: Revise basic themes on dehumanisation, death, judgement, segregation of rationality/irrationality, beauty... You know, same old same old

But the other subjects are so much of a drag!!
I'm beginning to doubt my chances of ever getting promoted, since I'm really really not that sort who studies for like, what? 7, 8 freakin' hours a day?
No way, jose...

And alright. Some of my tutors have mentioned before that it doesn't take one to study long periods of time, in order to do well for the examinations- All that's required is just constant revision of work... That which attribute I lack, obviously.


Ha ha ha... I can't believe I'm feeling so guilty.





6:40 PM

Monday, September 10, 2007

I'm sorry... I couldn't help it! I just had to have a pink tagboard!

Searching for a new blogskin now....

8:57 PM

Sunday, September 09, 2007

"An odd thing happens when we die. Our senses vanish. Taste, touch, smell
and sound become a distant memory. But our sight, ah, our sight expands. And we
can suddenly see the world we’ve left behind so clearly. Of course, most of
what’s visible to the dead can also be seen by the living, if they only take the
time to look."

- Mary Alice Young; Desperate Housewives

Now she'll finally know who the villians really are.


10:37 AM

Saturday, September 08, 2007

This is just shit. Now I'm getting paranoid about my weight- What's goin' on?? Trashy fast food meals over the past few days have driven me completely paranoid.

AGGGHHHHH!!!!

And new breakout!!!! FUCK!!

I suddenly feel so ugly.

Really, I'm in a flustered mess today.

2:14 PM


My aunt passed away on Thursday evening.

Can't study much coz I have to go to the wake and stuff; Funeral service on Monday. For this, I'll have to miss school which is supposed to make me somewhat happy.

But I'm not. For obvious reasons of course

9:34 AM

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Well, hello world.

There wont be anymore extra lessons for the rest of the September "holidays"

I'm elated.

Can't being myself to study today.

12:15 PM

Monday, September 03, 2007

Spent about an hour and a half studying Geography in the library earlier this afternoon.
It made me feel so intellectual.
Like, 'Ha Ha.. Look at me, I know my stuff"

Loved the weather.
Pitter patter drip drop.

Lol. Amadea overheard Drama J2s Serena and Alicia talking (bad?) about me when they were about a queue away.

---"Do you notice that Matt's getting vain?"

*Buzzer* Nah... I'm afraid that's incorrect my dears-
I've always been vain; not just getting vain

Vain partially because I'm suffocating insecurities of the past? Perhaps. I'm not quite sure why either.

And yes, now all you people know me as yet another step away from virtuous perfection.

But we're all deeply flawed in our own secret ways.
This is just one of mine.
Among the heaps which nobody knows about.

Ha... ...

What am I talking about??
Whoooooooosssshhhh!!!

6:47 PM

Sunday, September 02, 2007

What the hell.

I found out from my younger sis who's in Primary 3 at St. Anthony's Canossian, that they used Mika's song 'Lollipop' for the whole of their ACES day workout.

Like, Oh my God? (Ugh. I just made myself sound like a bimbo)

In case some of you are unacquainted with the song, here's a common line that's pretty much repeated throughout the entire song:

"Suckin' too hard on your lollipop, Love's gonna get you down" (the hidden meaning is obvious)
Isn't this supposed to be a Catholic school?! And a convent as well, mind you. I'm sure you wouldn't want little girls going home with that song stuck in their head, right?!

Gross, gross, gross.


Personally, I think that the audience is a lil bit too young for such a song, don't you guys think?

2:21 PM


I admire Billy Collin's poems.

Here's once in particular that I favour; found the imagery of dollhouses and figurines really inspiring.

Titled "Some Days"

Enjoy.


1:05 PM


"It is a fact, universally overlooked, that when one part of your life
becomes okay, another part spectacularly falls apart"
-Bridget Jones


This I can absolutely testify

12:57 PM

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Irritatingly, I haven't been able to complete my poems as of late, due to inspiration discontinuity. The reason for such is that I tend to write my poems late at night.. and fall asleep before finishing them.

Maybe I get the inspiration from the moon..
Ahh.. Then last night would've been perfect, coz the moon was gorgeous. It was huge and tinted yellow.

Anyway, here's another one that's incomplete :/
(written earlier this month)

----------------------

Sixteen candles
to celebrate Antoinette's demise
Scourged at pillar; burnt at stake
my refuge of solace has been destroyed
Ageing breath suffocates guiding light
Child left at harbour,
A new voyage begins

Breath that conjures winds of change
Webs of distraught; I am entangled
Hoisting sails of bleached history
Stains are given second chances to be redeemed
Captains Wheel taken charge
each spoke a polished privilege
....
...

------------------

Yeah.. the next day after writing that poem, the inspiration faded away like some visiting angel from Heaven

Then the pencil lay cold in my hand. Paper blank. Mind vacuous.

10:20 AM