Time as white sound
Monday, August 25, 2008

I hate how blogger screwed up with my previous two attempts to write about the London-like weather we were having.

And now I'll I'm left is with this really lame one instead.

8:02 PM

Sunday, August 24, 2008

In this London-like weather of cold summer showers, I think about how we are at the final bastion before the battlefield of hell.

8:56 PM

Friday, August 22, 2008

It must be boring being an umpire
I'm considering stargazing with the little telescope I found in a cupboard.
Matthew is pondering on the joys of boredom
There is none

Watching China vs China on an Olympic table tennis finals is way boring.
It's like mirror images of two ping pong robots battling it out-
there is no glory, there is no thrill.
Just an insert of a game of ping pong
from the hard drive of one's will

8:33 PM

I was in a reading mood today.
So I read.

I'm feeling bored.
Somebody give me an all expenses paid scavenger hunt around the world with Cowboy, ending in the very heart which is home itself.

4:23 PM

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Flutter flutter
pretty butterfly
I want to swat you till you die

9:52 PM

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I better get my geog essay done by tomorrow morning or I'll be in trouble.
Oooo... Scary, eh?

10:20 PM

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Matt's gunning for his second lit essay in the same night! Not that I want to, but hey, nobody likes to get detention right?

No wait. I deserve to sleep before midnight.
You know what? I'm just gonna do that essay tomorrow. Screw it. Really.

I told him to take a cheese-break

10:22 PM


12:28 AM

Saturday, August 16, 2008

I want much more than this provincial life!

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere

I want it more than I can tell

That of being bonded to books, assignments and preparation for the A levels that is.
And as you might already know by now, I'm not like one of those self-programmed study robots. That's just not how I function- rather unfortunately so in the case of this context.

Sometimes I do wonder if I'm ever able to achieve success in the arts scene. Fine, it's a given that you cant expect instant success now, but I'm curious to know how things play out.
I've been told that you'd be a straving artist should you pursue any form of art locally.
But heck it. You only live once.

On a side note, I'm kinda annoyed that Phelps beat that dude representing Serbia by just a hundreth of a second in the Olympics 100m Butterfly finals. We do get sick of frontrunners all the time (or at least I do) so bring out the underdogs.

3:09 PM

Friday, August 15, 2008

We're actually finally gonna get an Olympic medal. It's extremely surreal.
But well done anyhow!

10:37 PM

Thursday, August 14, 2008

I realise I haven't said 'I love you' to my mom in quite a while.
Then again, those 3 words seem to be losing significance to me lately.
Maybe usage of these words should be regulated and have a limiting quota set upon- like coupons which you tear out to give to somebody else. And you go like, hey, this is an action- a part of me to you. I love you.

I'm thinking parking coupons here. The ones with many circular cutouts for you to punch and tear. Instead of circles, the coupons in my head are filled with heart shaped cutouts.

This way, things would be much better. We wouldn't just use those words randomly, or as a mere tool of pacification to make another feel so fulfilled and satisfied. Even in literature, the word 'love' gets encountered so many times that I occasionally feel like my heart no longer pumps warm blood. That in itself is of course an exaggeration- you and I both know it.

But I want to know what real love is.
Unquestioning self humiliation as the perverse would say. Or like soft wads of cotton slipped in a flannelette baby blanket, according to the tactile enthusiast.
I want to know what it means to say those words.
Not the cheaply mass produced, 'Made-in-China' kinds which we see littered about today.

To say is not to feel, and although this is elementary even to a talking cucumber, we sometimes tend to forget...

"I'll tell you," said she, in the same hurried passionate whisper,
"what real love is. It is blind devotion, utter submission, trust and belief
against yourself and against the whole world, giving up your whole heart and
soul to the smiter- as I did!"

11:21 PM

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Things I might want to get-
An Ipod earphone
An Ipod cover to replace my current one, which looks like an XXXS sized dirty underwear.

10:26 PM

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I can't afford to screw up my prelims and A's. If my periods of study were to be charted on a graph, I reckon it would be somewhat like an extremely irregular and immensely compressed sine curve- considering how I study in short "bursts" of 10-15 mins, after which taking a break for an even longer period of time. Yep... In case you're wondering, my studies are like shit.

I hate the aspect of my life by which I'm worrying about my studies, my future, and yet not being able to sit down for a prolonged period of time to study. Maybe I should do group studying more often.

Arrghhh!! Matt you incompetent shit- get your act together! Seriously!

Oh. On a side and brighter note, I've enjoyed watching the Olympics here and there today. Female weightlifting is kinda scary, but yet extremely interesting at the same time- I start to play games with myself in spotting the most feminine and masculine of the contestants. There was one from Chinese Taipei was looked majorly boyish- and that's very disturbing, mind you. I mean, it's no problem having thick arms and being womanly at the same time like that Cuban lady (Something Vega)- you'd just look like an Amazon. But gender benders are generally intruiging.

And you have to admit the war cry when lifting those bars certainly adds the oomph to the entire showmanship haha. Or show-womanship, rather.

5:11 PM

A dabble in Ligeia. Some micro climates. And a chapter of Great Expectations (7 chapters more- you can do it, Matt!)

Sheesh. But yes, I feel so incompetent in my studies.
Help. Really.

1:06 PM

Sunday, August 10, 2008

My headache is gone! Well, yeah- of course it is. It should be gone. If it isn't gone by today, I'd be worried.

I've got lots of catching up to do. Studies. School admin stuff.
But I'm all smiles (not all, but yeah you get the drift)

12:00 PM

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Here I am for some God forsaken reason, listening to religious music. And I know (and you guys know) that it's really not like me to be doing so. I have a horrendous headache now and I'm in an extremely irritable mood. Noise annoys me.

Yeah. I'm also thinking what an insecure, poor body imaged, emotional wreck of a trashbag sometimes. It's times like these where I should let a brain eating monster suck my brains out, sign myself up in the religious order, vow myself to a life of celebacy and then hang myself in the monastary.

Gosh! This headache is FREAKING KILLING ME.

10:39 PM

Monday, August 04, 2008

I am currently scrambling to get class/group photos so I could send it to the Student's Council by tonight for the Prom Night video montage. Well, it's tough work, considering how response from my classmates has been rather weak. And if any of you T1-ers are reading this, get going and start sending me those pics now, unless you don't want our class to be featured in the montage! And that would be really horrible I think.

Alright! I was supposed to get started on Poe's Ulalume this evening, not to mention my geog work... but well well well, what am I doing? Still waiting for the photos to be submitted- hurry up!!!

8:08 PM

Sunday, August 03, 2008

First of all, I'd like to say that mother nature's been a complete bitch these past few days, cursing us with horrifically warm weather. But who could blame her right? All of that greenhouse gas choking her up must have made her cranky.

Anyway, I was watching half of The Outsiders on youtube this evening. Unfortunately, I had to restrict myself from watching any further as my geog essay, which was already due on Friday was calling out for me. Dammit. I never seem to be fully on top of my studies. Snowballing revision and assignments are public enemy #1, or enemies of mine at least.

I need an alcoholic drink soon. Like really. A wine, a beer- anything (not before a school day of course)

Grraaagghh.. And there's GP comprehension mock exam tomorrow afternoon! Sheesh. I hope I don't make a complete fool of myself for it. You know how you get back your compre scripts, and go something like- Oh God, how the hell did I end up writing so fucking incoherently...
Yes, if you've ever felt like that, welcome to the club.

SO... on that note, I retreat awaiting the hustle and bustle which the new week brings.

"Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold..."

10:50 PM

An extract from Atwood's 'Cat's Eye'. I think Sam and Mike would know very well know who Grace reminds us of...

We sit on the wooden bench in the church basement, in the dark, watching
the wall. Light glints from Grace's glassy eyes as she watches me

God Sees the little sparrow fall,
It meets His tender view;
If God so loves the little bird,
I know He loves me too.

The picture is of an enormous dead bird in an enormous hand, with a shaft
of light coming down onto it.

I am moving my lips, but I'm not singing. I am losing confidence in God.
Mrs. Smeath has God all sewed up, she knows what things are his punishments.
He's on her side, and it's a side from which I'm excluded.

I consider Jesus, who is supposed to love me. But he isn't showing any sign
of it, and I don't think he can be much of help. Against Mrs. Smeath and God he
can do nothing, because God is bigger. God is not our Father at all. My image of
him now is of something huge, hard, inexorable, faceless and moving forward as
if on tracks. God is a sort of engine.

I decide not to pray to God any more. When it's time for the Lord's Prayer
I stand in silence, moving my lips only.

Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against

I refuse to say this. If it means I will have to forgive Mrs. Smeath or
else go to Hell when I die, I'm ready to go. Jesus must have known how hard it
is to forgive, that was why he put this is. He was always putting in things that
were impossible to do really, such as giving away all your money.

"You weren't praying," Grace says to me in a whisper.
My stomach goes cold. Which is worse, to contradict her or to admit? Either
way there will be penalties.
"Yes I was," I say.
"You weren't. I heard you."
I say nothing.
"You lied," says Grace, pleased, forgetting to whisper.
I still say nothing.
"You should ask God to forgive you," Grace says. "That's what I do, every

I sit in the dark, attacking my fingers. I think about Grace asking God to
forgive her. But for what? God only forgives you if you're sorry, and she never
gives a sign of being sorry.
She never thinks she's done anything wrong

12:33 PM